la nuit sans fin. [Sunday December 27th, 2009 at 10:10pm] 2amtomorning [dorianxface] Once, early on, I had asked her why she did not allow me to kiss her. We were in bed though it was well past midday. I was sitting up, with my head resting against the headboard. I was looking at the ceiling and counting the cracks and for each one I was thinking of something I wished I had done when I had the chance. She was lying beside me but far enough away not to touch, perfectly straight with her hands stretched in front of her. I looked down from the ceiling and I asked her and she stretched out her hands a little further, so that they almost touched me. But she was not interested in how close I was, she threaded her fingers together and looked down at them. She blinked once, slowly, and the sun streamed in from the window behind her and illuminated a stream of dust in the air. For each dust particle I could think of one more thing I wished I had done when I had the chance. She looked down at her hands and told me that nothing was easy. She asked me if it bothered me. It was unusual for her to think about things like that. I shook my head and said no, not particularly. I was just curious, I said. She traced the inside of her wrist with one finger and told me that nothing was simple. She looked up at me and asked me to try to kiss her. Everything seemed to be happening so slowly on that afternoon, and everything had a strange haze of golden light over it. Of course it was the sunlight. But then it wasn’t. It was the two of us and the cracks in the ceiling. There was no clock in that room and yet I could hear something ticking, slowly, like an old grandfather clock. I didn’t know what anything meant. suddenly see

Help! [Sunday December 27th, 2009 at 4:27pm] 2amtomorning [cait_driz] I'm looking for a poem that was posted here awhile back; its about birthstones and the months they belong to. If anyone could point me in the general direction of it that would be fabulous!! suddenly see

[Sunday December 27th, 2009 at 3:14pm] 2amtomorning [ipeterpanda]  How many of you roleplay? Like..be it online or other wise, because I want to make some new role play buddies...I have a pirate and X/men role play going on right now and i just kinda wanted someone else to roleplay/talk to while I wait for my other friend to post...PM for an add on hotmail/yahoo i suppose...I just want someone to RP with... suddenly see

[Monday December 28th, 2009 at 4:55am] 2amtomorning [__escapist] I suppose we stand somewhere between the terms stranger, acquaintance, ex-lover, friend. Somewhere between that vast distance (and yet, utter closeness) that separates and merges the four categories, we glide like ghosts, moving backwards and forwards according to time and memory. It’s easier to pick up the phone now that we’re relatively on speaking terms. Except there’s that dilemma of what the hell there is to say. I finally watched that movie you loved, the sky looks awfully pretty today, the way my father looks these days makes me feel like crying, does your mother still make you feel like all you've done since the day you were born was disappoint her, isn’t it tragic that smoking makes so many people sad. Random observations and feelings that we know the other would fully understand because we were holding hands when the events that led up to it happened. I told you how afraid I was that my father would burn himself out trying to keep so many people safe and happy. I was there when you tried to quit. You wouldn’t shut up about that stupid movie. My arms were wrapped around you that one time we saw the sun set. So these thoughts and feelings don’t seem so random after all - but they are. You haven’t been in my life. I can’t just pick up the phone and call. Or blurt it out on the rare occasions we pass and say hello on the street in this claustrophobic city. And we are afraid, of course. Of wounds that never seem to heal. Of rubbing salt into them, or revealing one we never knew we had. I tried, you know. I tried a dozen times. I almost sent you texts. I almost called. I wanted to see you. I always changed my mind. This is my open letter to the friend who is close by, but is also so very, very, very far away. This is everything I can’t bring myself to say. I hope you’re doing wonderfully. May your life be blessed, and may you always believe in the wonderful, strong, courageous person that you are. 1 suddenly see

first (rambling) post [Sunday December 27th, 2009 at 3:52pm] 2amtomorning [baby_shakeitup] i don't know how to live with regret or unrequitted love anymore. it's too hard. "i wish it could have just worked out." me too. more than anything. it's been almost four months and i still think about you every single hour of every single day and i still miss you and i still love you and i want to believe i've accepted that we'll never be together again but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it and i'm sorry every day and i want to go back and change everything and it hurts so bad and i don't know what to do. suddenly see

Winner!!! [Sunday December 27th, 2009 at 5:40am] 2amtomorning [aworld_ofmyown] [ mood | jubilant ] [ music | Rhiana - So Hard ] So tonight I decided to just not go to sleep (it happens randomly) and so I watched Stardust, took a shower, set my hair in curlers, and sat down to do my nails. Between taking off my previous nail polish and putting on cuticle oil, the radio station I listen to (kAMP) had one of those commercials that's like, "Call now to spend New Years Eve in Six Flags Magic Mountain! Brought to you by Coke and AMP radio" blah blah blah. So of course, I think "Why not?" and dial in. It rings once. It rings again. Then someone picks up, and a female voice says "Congratulations! You won!" And I'm just like, "Whaaa?" So I give her my info, and she asks for my SSN, and I say "Yeah, my mom would kill me if I gave out my Social over the phone in the middle of the night" so I give her my mom's cell number, and she says they'll call my mom on Monday to get it from her. I WON! A pair of tickets to Six Flags!!! Problem: I don't like Six Flags. I'm beyond terrified of roller coasters. And I already have plans with my aunt and uncle for New Years. Maybe they'll come with! The other ticket can be for one of them, and then we'll only have to buy one. OMGOMGOMG!!! I've never won anything like this before! Actually, I don't think I've ever won anything...ever :/ BUT I HAVE NOWWWW!!!! Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot! Staying up until 5:30 actually paid off!!! :D 1 suddenly see

[Sunday December 27th, 2009 at 6:39am] the_oc [mpgirl] + MORE HERE. suddenly see

Acceleration, Mark Terrill [Sunday December 27th, 2009 at 2:24am] 2amtomorning [firebomber] People talk about theater or drama in reference to everyday experience but when did the curtains ever part to reveal you sitting there next to me in our old BMW while crossing the bridge over the Stör on a clear winter afternoon with a sky like blue glass scratched as you said from all the various jet trails you turning your head to the right looking off towards the western horizon across all those flat green acres of northern Germany me glancing over at you without you being aware of it seeing you sitting there content in the warm sunlight coming through the windshield absorbed in your own personal thoughts of god knows what & then the attendant cascade of psyche-encompassing emotions that suddenly engulfed me as I caught a glimpse of the tiny set of wrinkles at the corner of your eye immediately remembering how seriously you took your fortieth & most recent birthday then me being catapulted into that crushing orbit of conceptual thinking dealing with time & age & destiny & what it means to be alive & what it means to be in love & how we all deal with getting old & the passing of time & the laying aside of certain dreams & desires in favor of various creature comforts & a predictable easiness into which we all are slipping deeper & deeper from day to day ultimately precluding even the remotest possibility of any manifestation of true happiness or satisfaction & then us coming down off of the bridge & onto the autobahn me putting the gas pedal calmly & purposely to the floor leaving what I had been thinking about behind us like the clouds of blue exhaust as we accelerated in a mechanical rush of pure power & motion the tachometer & the speedometer both rising steadily the car hurtling forward on the smooth asphalt temporarily eclipsing all thoughts of time & the passing thereof & cleanly bringing to an end the inner spectacle of today’s particular drama in a manner so thorough & final that it’s bordering on the surgical. suddenly see

Pictures that make you laugh, cry, think, remember, understand, etc. [Sunday December 27th, 2009 at 1:46am] 2amtomorning [valiantbattles]   My lj friend posted this picture & I love it. It made me think. I'm not sure why. Do you have any interesting pictures? It can be anything. Anything that makes you feel something. Share them please! :) 6 suddenly see

[Saturday December 26th, 2009 at 5:25pm] 2amtomorning [nightunderstars]  I don't PMS badly. I don't get awful cramps or migraines, and I should consider myself lucky, because my mother did. I don't feel bloated and I'm not tired or lethargic. I do get awfully depressed. And knowing I'm PMS-ing sucks, because it makes me feel like my feelings are invalid. Like I don't have a right to be sad, because I know it's just my hormones talking. Nothing is wrong, and I shouldn't be upset. So I guess I'm not. 3 suddenly see

[Saturday December 26th, 2009 at 2:39pm] 2amtomorning [oh_neverland] what do you do when you feel just plainly awfully lonely? 12 suddenly see

[Saturday December 26th, 2009 at 6:45pm] 2amtomorning [breakmontblanc] these are the photos that i've compiled into 2 collages from a makeover + photoshoot my mum bought me for my birthday in august (: there were 50 photos in 2 outfits but i've picked my favourites and put them here. Just thought i ought to post in 2am more. anyone else gone for makeovers&photoshoots before? (: 2 suddenly see

[Saturday December 26th, 2009 at 3:02am] 2amtomorning [copulates] the ride home is filled with silence. the kind of silence where you don't even realize it's there, because your head is this blurring mix of thoughts and it's like that night you watched skins and thought sid was just you with a bad british accent. you lay in the back seat and watch the colors and lights swirl past until you have to squint your eyes, and your heart starts playing a melody in your head over and over until it sounds familiar, like something you've heard all your life. it takes you all night, watching the city and tasting the nightlife through the crack in the fogged windows, to realize it's your heartbeat. 2 suddenly see

things you will learn to miss [Saturday December 26th, 2009 at 12:15am] 2amtomorning [justholdstill] music loneliness unhapiness smoking pot the swings at midnight the pink elephant the almost kiss that thing I forget like those bodies I wanted like the great thing that didn't quite happen like the chance that it might, still; like the loss of love like the fears of adolescence like a camera panning down a treeless avenue lit by the sunset, like a night pricked with neon and power lines, like hipsters huddled smoking under frayed canvas awnings, like homeless men dreaming of bottles with forgetfulness at the bottom, dreaming of some girl's soft clean thighs and her urban, educated bed, her knowledge of all your sumptuous desires, her ability to stay shy, dreaming of lighting a cigarette at her kitchen table in the dark, then fucking her again at dawn; dreaming of the way her thin cotton dress clings to her back with sweat even early on an August morning, the way she loves her cat more than you; like the rattling bomph-bomph of the rap music played from a car that vibrates through the tension in your relationship, like the coins that jingle in your pocket as you stroll, like the hot sugared doughnuts that you buy with them, like the taste of the sugar on your girl's lips, passed back and forth between you. 1 suddenly see

[Saturday December 26th, 2009 at 12:56am] 2amtomorning [oh_sweetsummer] i haven't spoken to you in nearly a week and a half, and you saw me walking back to my dorm in your car, waiting on barry, and you said i looked like i had just "gotten hit by a bus." yes, i must admit that i had rolled out of bed five minutes before class that day and i was in sweats and a hoodie, hair up, and unshowered, but you know what, sometimes you just have one of those days, alright? but you still texted me that night and told me you missed me, and that i was beautiful. thank you. it's good to know you would still find me beautiful after i've been hit with a bus. if that were to really happen. suddenly see

Self-Affirmations [Friday December 25th, 2009 at 9:08pm] 2amtomorning [nightunderstars]  Christmas is undoubtedly one of the hardest times of year Over the next week, if you didn't already, we will fight with family. we will have breakups because people 'want something different' in the new year. we will look back on our failures in the past year we will have resolutions that we know we cannot follow so, as much for me as for you, i want you to all sit and remember the following: I am uniquely special. I am magnificent. I am beautiful, and people love me for the beauty that they see. I am unlike any other. I am a rock, and I will be strong. I have the power to change. Happy holidays, stay strong.   5 suddenly see

25th [Saturday December 26th, 2009 at 12:10am] 2amtomorning [28octobers] You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story. - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind I thought this Christmas would be different. You promised, & you lied. 2 suddenly see

[Friday December 25th, 2009 at 6:51pm] 2amtomorning [jaydenrioblue] Who are you? I am the one who knows you. I am the one you feel. I am the one who's always been here. I am the one who hears you. I know you told her I'm not worth a damn. But I know you know who I am. I am the one who held you. I am the one who cried. I am the one who watched while you died. I am the one who loved you. I tried pretending that I don't give a damn. But you've always known who I am. 1 suddenly see

[Friday December 25th, 2009 at 2:31am] 2amtomorning [cigsnchocmilk] [ mood | disappointed ] Christmas has made me realize that I might never get the things I want because the things I want are only the things that I read about, and write about. 2 suddenly see

[Thursday December 24th, 2009 at 9:01pm] 2amtomorning [chimblysweep] what did you always want for christmas, and never get? 28 suddenly see

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